Exploring the Struggle of The Military Spouse and Identity

Society often seems to romanticise and admire the role of a military spouse. Strong, resilient, and selfless are just a few of the words used to describe these individuals.

However, behind the facade of strength and pride lies a harsh reality that is often overlooked. This reality is the lack of identity experienced by military spouses. While their partners are off serving their country, or living away from home, these spouses are left to deal with the challenges and sacrifices of military life. These challenges and sacrifices often mean losing a sense of self in the process.

In this blog post, we will explore the impact of military life on a spouse’s identity and how it affects their mental health, relationships, and overall well-being.

I was one of those military spouses. My husband was in the military for a fair while. We had the deployments, the living away from home and family. My identity was overshadowed by the military lifestyle.

We all have dreams. And being a military spouse shouldn’t take those dreams away. I used the time when he was away to do some online courses. There are plenty out there to choose from, depending on what you enjoy. I did a course on blogging, one on autism (which I must finish), and one on website development. They didn’t have a certificate at the end, but that doesn’t matter. I made time for myself and that is part of who I am.

Nurture your own personal growth and identity, and separate from your role as a military spouse. Remembering your own passions and dreams not only brings you happiness, but it also sets a positive example for your loved ones.

I have looked at my old pictures from previous postings, and you can see the love and fun in them. They are reminders of my time as a military spouse. Times such as trying to get all our stuff boxed up for another house move. The time when we tried to get our furniture to fit the new house by using a scaled diagram. I think our measurements might have been a bit off in one of the rooms though!

Your love and support make a difference, and your sacrifices do not go unnoticed. I know it is hard to remember that sometimes, but it is true.

Celebrate your unique journey as a military spouse and let it be a reminder of your strength and unwavering dedication.

Rediscovering your identity through hobbies

As we have said previously, the transient nature of military life often leads to a profound loss of personal identity for the military spouse. Constant relocations and the upheaval of familiar routines can leave us feeling adrift, struggling to maintain a sense of self amidst the chaos.

This is why a hobby is a pathway to rediscovering and reclaim our identity. Engaging in hobbies not only provides a sense of stability and continuity but also fosters a renewed sense of purpose and fulfilment. Hobbies serve as a sanctuary where we can reconnect with our passions, talents, and aspirations, or find new ones.

I wanted something to be my own, something I could turn to when I felt alone. And that something was no needles knitting. Learning how to knit without needles has made me more individual. It has helped me find my own identity. I can do something a little bit different, a little bit quirky. This is the main ethos of my blog.

Through our hobbies, we can carve out a space that is uniquely ours, a refuge from the uncertainties of military life, and a reminder of the vibrant individuality that defines who we are. In the pursuit of our passions, we can not only find solace but also rediscover the essence of our identity. This can help us be more resilient, strong, and confident in the face of adversity.

Whether it’s painting, writing, dancing, or any other hobby or interest, make time for it. Schedule it into your day or week, even if it’s just for a short period of time.

Embracing change and growth

Change is an inevitable part of life, and as military spouses, we often find ourselves faced with constant shifts and transitions. Embracing change and growth can be challenging, but it is also an opportunity for personal development, creativity, and self-discovery.

We need to not be hard on ourselves. We all change, grow and evolve into what makes us unique. This is all part of our identity. It might be a slightly new identity, but it is ours. I know that I have changed during my own journey, but I have learnt things about myself that I might not have seen otherwise.

Remember, change can be a catalyst for positive transformation, leading us to discover strengths and abilities we never knew we had. So embrace the journey, embrace the change, and watch as you continue to grow and thrive in your unique military spouse role.

My final thoughts

As military spouses, it is natural to prioritise the needs of our service members and families above our own. However, it is important to remember that our identities are just as valid and important as anyone else’s.

It may take time and effort, but finding and embracing our own passions, hobbies, and goals can help us maintain a sense of self and purpose.

Together, we can support and uplift each other as we navigate the unique challenges of being a military spouse and reclaim our identities.